Empowering People Pleasers: Mastering the Art of Disappointing People

Written by: Kristie Burkett, RP-Qualifying, MACP Candidate

Do you find yourself constantly saying "yes" to every request, even when it inconveniences you or doesn't align with your own needs and priorities? If so, you're not alone. Many of us fall into the trap of people-pleasing, often at the expense of our own well-being and happiness. You can break free of people-pleasing by learning the art of disappointing others.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: "Why would I want to disappoint anyone?" It's a valid concern. Learning how to gracefully say "no" and set boundaries is not about becoming a heartless, unhelpful person. It's about regaining control over your life, protecting your mental and emotional health, and ultimately, building healthier relationships with others.

What is a people pleaser?

People pleasers have an innate desire to make others happy, often at the expense of their own happiness. They tend to avoid conflict, seek approval, and prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own. Though this may seem positive, it can lead to a host of problems, including burnout, resentment, and an inability to assert oneself.

The Downsides of People Pleasing

Picture this: the exhaustion of constantly saying "yes," the resentment quietly bubbling up, and the gradual loss of your true self. But fear not, let’s explore how to say "no" with kindness. Begin by reflecting on your own priorities, dive into the world of assertiveness, and learn to use "I" statements to express your needs gently but firmly. It's a journey towards balance and authenticity in your relationships and self-care.

Burnout

Constantly saying "yes" to others' requests can leave you overwhelmed and exhausted. Your own needs and self-care often take a backseat.

Resentment

Over time, the feelings of resentment towards those you've been trying to please can build up and harm your relationships.

Lack of Authenticity

People pleasers may lose sight of their own desires and authenticity as they become preoccupied with meeting others' expectations.

Creating Boundaries to Stop People Pleasing

So then, where do you go from here? It's all about reclaiming your time, energy, and happiness. There are amazing benefits to stopping people pleasing, like improved mental health, enhanced relationships, and a healthy boost to your self-esteem. The following is a list of a few ways to start your journey to a happier, more authentic you.

Reflect on Your Priorities

Start by clarifying your own priorities and values. When you have a clear sense of your own needs and boundaries, it becomes easier to say "no" when necessary.

Practice Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the middle ground between passive and aggressive communication. It involves expressing your needs and boundaries respectfully. Practice assertive communication to let others know your limits without being confrontational.

Use "I" Statements

When expressing your boundaries or declining a request, use "I" statements to focus on your feelings and needs.

Set Realistic Expectations

Communicate your boundaries and limitations upfront whenever possible. Setting realistic expectations helps prevent misunderstandings later on.

The Benefits of Stopping People Pleasing

Stopping people pleasing can be challenging, yet rewarding. By setting boundaries and saying "no" when necessary you could see some incredible benefits.

Improved Mental Health

Setting boundaries and saying "no" when necessary can reduce stress, anxiety, and feelings of overwhelm.

Enhanced Relationships

Healthy boundaries lead to healthier, more authentic relationships, where both parties' needs are respected.

Increased Self-Esteem

Learning to value your own needs and priorities boosts your self-esteem and self-worth.

Mastering the art of disappointing people is an important skill for people pleasers to regain control of their lives and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember, it's not about being unkind or selfish; it's about valuing your own needs and well-being. So, go ahead, start practicing the art of disappointing people, and watch your life transform for the better. Your happiness is worth it.

Ready to take the first step towards a more empowered you?

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