Embracing Authentic Belonging: Navigating the Path to True Self-Acceptance and Connection

 

Written by: Natalie Carruthers MA, CCC

What does it truly mean to belong? Have you ever felt out of place and alone in a large group of people?

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”- Brene Brown

Have you ever felt anxious about fitting in and find yourself morphing to whoever you think others want you to be in an effort to belong? Even though it may feel that way, you’re not alone. Belonging is an intrinsic human need that we all strive for throughout our lives, whether that be in our families, school, jobs, hobbies, or friend groups.

In the 1960s, psychologist Abraham Maslow declared belonging to be one of the core fundamental human needs, just after food, water, and shelter. Long before that, many indigenous cultures recognized the need for belonging and how this kept their tribes safe and flourishing. Through Brene Brown’s research she revitalized and expanded upon this notion.

Belonging is so much more than just fitting in with as many people as possible. It’s about being loved and accepted for your most true and authentic self. And the only way to get here is to first know, love, and accept your true self. Which is why we can still at time feel alone surrounded by others, until we can be brave enough to be who we truly are.

Now we know what “true belonging” is, how do we get there?

Here are 4 ways we can foster true belonging in our lives:

1. Befriend & Understand Our True Selves

First and foremost we need to get to know and understand our true selves. This includes the parts of ourselves we’ve buried away. The parts we worried would lead to rejection, the parts we were told weren’t good enough. This can be done through therapy, journaling, meditation, and introspection.

Journaling can be a very helpful way to get to truly know oneself. Here are a few journal prompts that may help you get to know yourself more deeply:

  • Describe yourself as if you were introducing yourself to someone who has never met you before. What qualities, interests, and experiences would you highlight?

  • What are some of your earliest memories? How do you think these experiences might have influenced who you are today?

  • What are some of your greatest fears or insecurities? How do they hold you back, and how could you work on overcoming them?

  • What activities or moments make you truly happy? How can you incorporate more of these into your life?

Remember, the goal of journaling is to explore your thoughts and feelings in an honest and reflective way. There are no right or wrong answers, and your journal is a safe space for self-discovery and self-expression.

One helpful tip is to journal as if no one’s watching. If you are nervous that others will see feel free to shred or burn your most intimate thoughts when you’re done.

2. Self-Love & Acceptance

Once we begin to get to know our true selves we must learn to love and accept ourselves, for exactly who we are. This is no easy journey, and consists of being honest, curious, and brave. It can also be incredibly uncomfortable. One way we can achieve this is by trying a self-compassion meditation. My favourite is the RAIN of self compassion by Dr. Tara Brach. Another is telling yourself “I love you” every morning.

3. Lean into your Intuition

Learn how to trust your gut when it comes to relationships. Once we begin to know and accept ourselves, we also need to learn to trust ourselves. Trust our own judgement on who truly loves, cares for, and accepts us the way that we now do. It’s much easier to walk away from relationships that we know aren’t authentic when we begin to value ourselves.

To do this, start small. Learn how to trust yourself in small ways first, maybe that’s picking a restaurant or deciding on a new activity for you and a friend. You’ll begin to strengthen your trust muscle little by little.

4. Connect to Purpose, big & small

Find purpose in your life, in both big and small ways: this can be through our jobs, volunteering, or just the way we interact with the world- how we interact with people, animals, children, art, or nature. True purpose, when it comes from an authentic place, is a shared experience. We connect to the rest of the world when we find our purpose in it.

A Final Note:

Ultimately, the therapeutic journey is about empowering clients to actively participate in creating their own sense of belonging. It involves a combination of reflection, building meaningful connections, and immersing oneself in environments that resonate with one's true self. The therapist's role is to provide guidance, support, and tools to navigate this process effectively. If you need a little help along the way, there’s no shame in asking for help to not only build belonging with yourself, but also the world around you.

Interested in Doing the Deeper Work in Therapy?

If this is something you are interested in exploring further? Don’t be shy, we are here to help!  Please reach out to our team of relatable and authentic therapists to start your personal growth journey. To work with our Certified Canadian Counsellor Natalie, book a consultation today.

 
Relationships, Self-WorthAlycia OliverNatalie